Two weeks from today, I'd be tucked uneasily into my office chair, poring through what would be an endless pile of letters and invitations and papers. Of course, since September 8 would be a Friday, I am hoping it would be a breeze-- sports afternoon Friday woohoo!-- unless someone decides to pile up my work for me to attend to once I am back to work. That happened after I returned to work after my nikah leave by the way. And it was very, very unpleasant.
Yup. Will be back to work... in two weeks. On a Friday. Not bad.
Truth be told, I have never been good with babies. OK lah, children in general. I know myself to be a bit iffy with newborns and babies-- their crying bothers me and breaks my heart at times. Don't get me started with those who have started asking questions that you begin to scramble for answers in your head (only to find none of them is comprehensible to a growing mind), or the ones who are plain rowdy, hitting you randomly or ones who have tantrum problems. Imagine how the parents feel-- maybe they ask themselves what they did to deserve such problem hewhewhew.
Now I am slowly getting anxious for when the time little bear enters those aforementioned phases and I have to deal with my emotions about them, haha.
I have enjoyed watching my little one grow everyday, except for some days where I'd have bouts of frustration out of sleep deprivation (HAHAH embrace this for when you have a baby no matter if they're your first or subsequent ones!), when I can't seem to figure out why he is extra fussy on some days and why he cries after he has nursed or had his diaper changed. Even a simple smile or a hint of a giggle or coo from him can put a smile on my face in an instant. It is those moments that make parents think that parenthood is amazing and rewarding.
Being someone on paid maternity leave for 105 days (!), I wonder why I am thinking about work so soon (actually I still check my work emails when I have the time -_-) when I still have one more month to enjoy before the madness kicks in. Maybe it's the dues that need to be paid. Maybe it is some contract bligations to be fulfilled. Perhaps now the necessity to help dearest husband so that the three of us are able to live comfortably becomes more serious. Or maybe it is the bags and shoes I have been eyeing on, and the ability to explore more of the world with my family, hehe.
Too many times I mulled over the idea of quitting my day job and embark on some form of entrepreneurship. My mom would probably bury me alive for choosing to give up all the perks and privileges of a government employee; raising a child in the 21st century requires a whole lot of resources, and nowadays parenting is so unlike what it was back in the day. I am sure parents of kids who hold commendable academic qualifications would kill to have their kids hold my position-- it is after all the financial stability of working in the public sector that most if not all of us in Brunei seek. Yet three years in service and already thinking about quitting so often... it seems as if I am on to something. Maybe it's just exhaustion, maybe it's just not getting the opportunity to travel as much... who knows I'll come to love my job again after all this? (read: probably not because my family is now top priority).
Throughout my pregnancy, I found that my enthusiasm for my work began to wane... it doesn't help that office politics that has gotten worse to a point that several of us in my unit have gone to the hospital for various health issues that got more worrying: high blood pressure, an existing heart complication that ended up in a bypass surgery, one pregnant colleague who experienced bleeding right after she received some serious chiding by a senior officer who had no clue what she has to deal with at home. Me? I was just stabbed in the back-- found out that someone in the office thinks I have been difficult at work ever since I got married. I just keep reminding myself that my staff and I planned a bilateral meeting in a week's time when the office was notified about it when I was on my nikah leave. I am pretty sure I have never been asked about sending "raw material content" in the papers I submitted for further review. And for a paper that takes days to write, I can do it in half a day and have it sent before work day ends, so there.
Sigh.
I believe a lot of us ladies have been told and taught and conditioned that we should be financially independent and not rely on a man because men leave, whether it is for another person, or maybe his time on earth is up. Perhaps some have been conditioned to think that women who carry that independence with them are more attractive and more wife-material *rolls eyes*. But there are some who have been blessed with a husband who can support them financially while the lady just stays at home. Some don't even need to work ever and still look so fabulous dressed in designer items head to toe! Now that brings me to ask myself: will I be able to give up the lifestyle I have now if I ever decide to bid my day job good riddance? At this time, the answer would be a firm no... raising a child takes a lot of resources, but when I think of the hours I could use nurturing a young mind, I feel so guilty. I feel guilty to leave my son for hours on end for my career. Then again, so many women have done this before and their kids go on to achieve success in their own right.
So where do we draw the line? Ultimately, it all boils down to what you think is important for you, what you think is best for you. There will be tough choices ahead and hard decisions to make. I have yet to experience that but I can tell you this: I dread it.
Yup. Will be back to work... in two weeks. On a Friday. Not bad.
Truth be told, I have never been good with babies. OK lah, children in general. I know myself to be a bit iffy with newborns and babies-- their crying bothers me and breaks my heart at times. Don't get me started with those who have started asking questions that you begin to scramble for answers in your head (only to find none of them is comprehensible to a growing mind), or the ones who are plain rowdy, hitting you randomly or ones who have tantrum problems. Imagine how the parents feel-- maybe they ask themselves what they did to deserve such problem hewhewhew.
Now I am slowly getting anxious for when the time little bear enters those aforementioned phases and I have to deal with my emotions about them, haha.
I have enjoyed watching my little one grow everyday, except for some days where I'd have bouts of frustration out of sleep deprivation (HAHAH embrace this for when you have a baby no matter if they're your first or subsequent ones!), when I can't seem to figure out why he is extra fussy on some days and why he cries after he has nursed or had his diaper changed. Even a simple smile or a hint of a giggle or coo from him can put a smile on my face in an instant. It is those moments that make parents think that parenthood is amazing and rewarding.
Being someone on paid maternity leave for 105 days (!), I wonder why I am thinking about work so soon (actually I still check my work emails when I have the time -_-) when I still have one more month to enjoy before the madness kicks in. Maybe it's the dues that need to be paid. Maybe it is some contract bligations to be fulfilled. Perhaps now the necessity to help dearest husband so that the three of us are able to live comfortably becomes more serious. Or maybe it is the bags and shoes I have been eyeing on, and the ability to explore more of the world with my family, hehe.
Too many times I mulled over the idea of quitting my day job and embark on some form of entrepreneurship. My mom would probably bury me alive for choosing to give up all the perks and privileges of a government employee; raising a child in the 21st century requires a whole lot of resources, and nowadays parenting is so unlike what it was back in the day. I am sure parents of kids who hold commendable academic qualifications would kill to have their kids hold my position-- it is after all the financial stability of working in the public sector that most if not all of us in Brunei seek. Yet three years in service and already thinking about quitting so often... it seems as if I am on to something. Maybe it's just exhaustion, maybe it's just not getting the opportunity to travel as much... who knows I'll come to love my job again after all this? (read: probably not because my family is now top priority).
Throughout my pregnancy, I found that my enthusiasm for my work began to wane... it doesn't help that office politics that has gotten worse to a point that several of us in my unit have gone to the hospital for various health issues that got more worrying: high blood pressure, an existing heart complication that ended up in a bypass surgery, one pregnant colleague who experienced bleeding right after she received some serious chiding by a senior officer who had no clue what she has to deal with at home. Me? I was just stabbed in the back-- found out that someone in the office thinks I have been difficult at work ever since I got married. I just keep reminding myself that my staff and I planned a bilateral meeting in a week's time when the office was notified about it when I was on my nikah leave. I am pretty sure I have never been asked about sending "raw material content" in the papers I submitted for further review. And for a paper that takes days to write, I can do it in half a day and have it sent before work day ends, so there.
Sigh.
I believe a lot of us ladies have been told and taught and conditioned that we should be financially independent and not rely on a man because men leave, whether it is for another person, or maybe his time on earth is up. Perhaps some have been conditioned to think that women who carry that independence with them are more attractive and more wife-material *rolls eyes*. But there are some who have been blessed with a husband who can support them financially while the lady just stays at home. Some don't even need to work ever and still look so fabulous dressed in designer items head to toe! Now that brings me to ask myself: will I be able to give up the lifestyle I have now if I ever decide to bid my day job good riddance? At this time, the answer would be a firm no... raising a child takes a lot of resources, but when I think of the hours I could use nurturing a young mind, I feel so guilty. I feel guilty to leave my son for hours on end for my career. Then again, so many women have done this before and their kids go on to achieve success in their own right.
So where do we draw the line? Ultimately, it all boils down to what you think is important for you, what you think is best for you. There will be tough choices ahead and hard decisions to make. I have yet to experience that but I can tell you this: I dread it.
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