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Mama bear at work

Hi, y'all.

For some personal reasons I had to keep my blog under the radar for an indefinite until a few things were resolved in my life before starting work.

(Also because my son is bad at napping at home during weekends so I cannot really blog properly hehehe)

It all began with a helper drama towards the end of my maternity leave.  Long story made short, I don't have a helper. Short story made long, my helper pretty much made me (and my husband indirectly) look like horrible and incompetent employers. Funny enough, she'd like to work with me again but that I should also understand her situation. What situation exactly? God knows. So many times I insisted on telling her to tell me if she has any concerns but she insisted she was fine. Then somehow came the part where she was hearing voices and right there I knew I had to let this one go. That part was the last straw; I was already stressed out dealing with adjusting to being a mother and having a place of my own and a helper drama was the last thing I needed. Ayden? Alhamdulillah, his daytime caregivers are nothing short of amazing. Truly God shows you signs!

So how has it been two months in since being back to work? Being a career mom who breastfeeds is a lot of work! No doubt it involves a lot of balancing act. Some days I find myself unable to pump every 3 hours, other days I get so exhausted that my supply would take a hit. Milk boosters of all sorts, you name it: lactation cookies and brownies, pearl milk tea, Milo, Shaklee's ESP, organic low fat milk, dates, avocados, plenty of salmon.. And don't get me started about how there is very little to no accommodation for mothers to pump at office with comfort and ease. I do hear there is some sort of piawaian (standards) in the pipeline to have a mother's room at every ministry in the future, but when that will be materialized, only God knows. Moms of Brunei Shell-- you ladies are so lucky HSE is not lip service. For now, many of us where I work either make do pumping with a cover/cape behind our cubicles and make sure modesty is protected at the end of the day, aaaaaand pray and hope the men around you don't imagine nasty things in their minds when they see you do mommy duties at work. As for storage of pumped milk? Get a nice cooler/insulated bag to keep in the pantry fridge, or if you're lucky enough, go home if it's close by.

Time and again I find myself toying with the idea of leaving when the time comes, and pursue my passions for baking and motherhood. A few times I half-jokingly told my husband how he can just be my guarantor, to which I've earned a look of concern on some days and eyerolls on another. Hehe.

I've also found myself to be quite an angry person as of late (read: super bitchy and too vocal for my own good), mostly because work hasn't been the best place to keep a positive mind all the time. The work always challenges me, but the people tend to provoke the not so nice side of me at times. It is daunting to think that the people you work with/for are the exact same people you are learning from despite your issues with them. I'm trying so hard to empathize-- maybe they are under pressure as well, but being pressured just as much if not is not an entirely acceptable justification to cross people, to piss them off simply because you want something done. I have had multiple times where I almost talked back, but thank God I haven't lost it just yet. I'm probably seen as a mollycoddled employee who needs to have more thick skin and accept reality, but really, I see it as an outright disappointment when people you thought should know better than to be less condescending and patronizing end up being your pet peeve. Especially when it's people you thought have the best of hearts.... Oh well.

On another note-- did you see the upcoming new releases from Sarah Wells, ladies? The Cold Gold in black and white, the floral pumparoo! I am dreaming of a striped Kelly bag. LV has discontinued the Totally bag-- it would have been the perfect mama bag! Aaaaand my husband wonders why I never found Longchamp attractive until I saw a few friends toting Le Pliage with the strap. I saw a young girl toting a pink one and my heart stopped at the sight of it.

This weekend, I am hoping to keep my work commitments to a minimum. I have some work engagement next week with very good counterparts of ours, and I am just thinking of how to find time and place to pump.

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